When I was a young girl my mother loved taking photos, and I loved posing in them. I squinted my eyes and put my hands on my hips. I tilted my head to the side so the beads in my hair could rest on my cheek, giving the camera my best grin. And on good days, I'd even throw in a peace sign and shout, CHEESE!​ B​ut when it was time to look at the photos, the glee in my eyes would dim, as I picked out all the reasons why I wasn’t pretty enough. My tall chubby stature made me wish I was petite like the other girls my age, and as I sat between my moms legs while she combed relaxer through my hair, I wished I was born with lighter skin so that I too could have g​ood hair.​ I looked at the gap between my teeth, and I begged my dentist to talk my parents into getting me braces. I pinched my nose hoping that if I squeezed it enough it would change forms to a smaller, more narrow nose. Holding each photo, catching each reflection, I would learn to resent my blackness. More and more my self esteem deteriorated, and as I approached my pubescence, self love to me was a foreign language.

I grew up around people who were unknowingly colourist, and I internalized the ridicule that attacked the darkness in my skin. I looked at the people the world declared as beautiful, and they looked nothing like me. Self love required me to visit my inner child and show her how to unlearn all of the thinking that convinced me I would never be beautiful. I now realize that the young woman I am growing into has the keys that will emancipate the little girl inside of me from the false beliefs that kept her in a cage. Self love is my way of holding my own hand through the harsh realities of navigating a world that hardly accepts my kind in our entirety. I learned to adore my long legs, embrace my 4c hair, discover the versatility in my representation and live by the fact that my blackness is magic. In respecting the gap between my teeth I live up to my Ghanaian roots, where it is seen as a symbol of beauty. I love every inch of myself, from my broad nose to my long toes, and it is a feeling that makes me want to burst.

I grew up around people who were unknowingly colourist, and I internalized the ridicule that attacked the darkness in my skin. I looked at the people the world declared as beautiful, and they looked nothing like me. Self love required me to visit my inner child and show her how to unlearn all of the thinking that convinced me I would never be beautiful. I now realize that the young woman I am growing into has the keys that will emancipate the little girl inside of me from the false beliefs that kept her in a cage. Self love is my way of holding my own hand through the harsh realities of navigating a world that hardly accepts my kind in our entirety. I learned to adore my long legs, embrace my 4c hair, discover the versatility in my representation and live by the fact that my blackness is magic. In respecting the gap between my teeth I live up to my Ghanaian roots, where it is seen as a symbol of beauty. I love every inch of myself, from my broad nose to my long toes, and it is a feeling that makes me want to burst.

The growth of this collective consciousness has led to black people no longer asking to assimilate, but rather creating spaces and platforms that acknowledge the diversity in our race and call out the use of our image as the blueprint for western society’s ticking pendulum of trends. We are pushing the limits that were once set for us through loud, pearl clutching self love, and in doing this we revolt against the long lineage of black people being conditioned to believe that we are unworthy of love.

A Powerful Form of Rebellion

From Rihanna’s outstanding representation with Fenty Beauty to Yaba Blay’s #​prettylipsperiod​, the western world is being shaken with the rise of black women openly debunking the myths of European beauty standards. Rihanna's diverse range of black models like Slick Woods, Duckie Thot, and digital model, Shudu Gram, showcases and glamourizes the diverse complexions and features of black women in a way that challenges barriers in the beauty industry. Hashtags like #prettylipsperiod encourage the normalization of black features and empower new generations through the concept of embracing the qualities we were taught to dislike. Self love is being programmed subliminally into young black people through the wave of black influence, and this is a powerful form of rebellion in a world that has upheld white superiority.

A Big Middle Finger to the Face of Misogynoir

Misogynoir​​ ​exists heavily in our communities and the media. Misogynoir is a term coined by Moya Bailey, that describes the ingrained prejudice and harmful microaggressions towards black women/femmes/non binaries. We witness toxic portrayals of the J​ezebel​​ ​and S​apphire​​ ​stereotypes in the ​media​, which reduce the black woman’s human value with shallow representations of our personalities. We are mocked with such stereotypes, while we are also berated by our own men who chime in to degrade the black woman.

Chris Brown​’s response on social media after he was criticized for his offensive lyrics in a song, and Peter Thomas​’ viral video of him advising black women to “stop wearing blonde weaves” all exemplify the constant scrutiny black women must withstand, even in the hands of our own. It seems like when the topics of our hair, sexuality, behaviour and dress come about, our men waste no time joining in on the conversation. But when it comes to matters of our livelihoods​​​ and the protection​​ of black women/femmes/non-binaries, the crickets have a seat at the table.

In the fight against black oppression, the oppression of black women and black people in the LGBTQ2IA community is blatantly sidelined, with little to no coverage for the staggering amounts of b​lack trans women​ g​oing missing and being killed. The cops who killed Breonna Taylor in cold blood continue to walk free, and the worth of our lives in the eyes of a white supremist society and justice system comes to question. Society shoves the image of docile, angelic white women in our faces and we are conditioned to feel like the runners up, chasing this epitome of acceptance. We must constantly compromise our humanity to fit into a society that never cared to make space for us, anyway.

The perils we face make self love difficult, and to love ourselves anyway is to persevere against this reality. When we love ourselves, it is a statement of our resilience, a middle finger to all of the calamity that we do not allow to break us.

Tips For Self Love
●​ Mantras ​Mantras or positive affirmations that remind you that you are beautiful,

powerful, excellent and worthy. Affirm yourself of your qualities everyday!

● Nourishment ​Nourish your body! Drink water, eat foods that contribute to your body’s wellness, herbs, teas, smoothies etc. Treat your body like you’d treat your favourite plant.

● Preservation ​Channel your energy into yourself, first. Take breaks from social media when you need to, spend time with yourself when family/friends/peers become overwhelming, walk away from stressful situations, and don’t apologize! You are the priority in your life.

Our Ancestors Celebrate When we Love Ourselves

Our ancestors would want us to love ourselves through it all, and by using the healing faculties that we now have access to, we carry on the legacy of strong will that exists through people like Nina Simone, Sojourner Truth, Eartha Kitt, Yaa Asantewaa, and more. When I say my mantras, I teach myself how to speak to myself. I help myself to unlearn all of the negative self-talk that I have internalized, and I set a positive tone for every action I take in my day. It teaches me the power of channeling my energy into positivity, and taking it easy on myself. It is easy to mistake harsh criticism for tough love, and positive mantras keep me in check through manifestation over degradation. If I'm having trouble staying on board with a task, instead of berating myself with scrutiny, I recognize my lack of focus and affirm myself of my ability to get the work done. Practicing self worth through preservation means not saying yes to every invitation, and putting my mental health first in every social setting, regardless of how it makes others feel. When I am kind to myself, when I give myself the liberty to choose what I channel my energy into, I know my ancestors thank me. When you love yourself, you continue the good fight.

by: Yvvana